Fire

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGmEqnlqqPk


Mmmmm a new fave song. "No it don't come easy, no it don't come fast." True love I would take it is what they are referring to. Reminds me that all great things come with time. I'll wait forever if i have to, for that true love that I know I can't settle any less for. I've tried dating a few guys here and there but unfortunately I need it all. I want someone who sets me on fire so to speak, I mean the fireworks, the laughter, things in common, those conversations that last for hours even months after you've gone out. I need every ounce of it. I want the love most people don't wait on. Life is simply to short to settle for less than EVERYTHING you've ever wanted, and its long enough to wait on it. I think the way I will know is the connection. I spoke with a friend who feels the same about their sibling so I know its not all me ;) . I have the strongest connection with my brother. He makes me feel connected to the world. Like no matter what he gets me and I get him. I usually know when he is sad and can usually feel his pain and share it with him. It's like he's my "brother soul mate". Like we've done this a few times around. I can't imagine ever losing him, im not so certain I could do it. So when I feel that connection plus more then I will know. Because I don't think I could settle for less than that intense connection.

That being said it can be discouraging when I see most people who aren't really happy. Your husband should NEVER put you down. I can't imagine marrying someone who didn't make me happier than anyone in the world. I don't ever want to think that I could be happier with anyone else. I know some people think I am being unrealistic but I don't agree. Although these people are few and far between, I have seen true love. They keep me content in waiting and never settling on less than what I deserve and well have to have. So i've definitely been rambling in this post but well its black friday and i had to get up at 3:45 to work. And im also avoiding my reports. i better get to it. listen to the song its fantastic.

btw 4 more months until seattle. Oh! And im so excited! I get to go to vegas for 2 weeks at the end of december for work. Which means new years in vegas!! woot!!!

A fine frenzy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_CwkdXfAhg

I love this song. I could listen to it over and over, in fact I often do. I find that I do that with songs, I find one that speaks to me and I become obsessed with it. Same going for most things. I remember my freshman year I decided I liked belts........I bought like 20. I still am trying to recover from that horror, my poor closet. I'm not sure what my closet would look like without the helpful guiding of Jennifer. I shudder to think of it. She is going to have to stock me up full of things before I leave for Seattle. 5 more months.....I can handle that right? 5 more months until I can be around some weirdos, rainy weather, and culture. Yah i'll survive, I am almost positive.

Seattle

So, 5 more months until I have the (hopefully) opportunity to move out of this ridiculous state and move to seattle. I've been promised that if my team at work were to expand Seattle is 100% going to be a new territory. I've also been told that even if we don't expand then they might still open just Seattle up. So things are looking pretty good for me. You know, I have no idea really why I am so obsessed with the idea of Seattle. I just have this amazing feeling about it really, intuition you could call it. My intuition is always creepily right no matter what the situation so I feel that Seattle will bring great things for me. I can't wait for the random rainstorms, the amazing music scene, mountains, the beach, and the constant festivals or random free things to do. Not to mention it is one of the top 5 "single cities", not a bad rating huh? I am trying so hard to keep my feet in the present, frankly I've never been very good at that. If I wasn't dreaming of being 16 then I was dreaming of college, then of course I dreamt of having a career and money. Now I suppose I can't wait to move somewhere new and exciting. I never can keep my feet still!! I need that constant change! You will probably hear of Seattle on here a lot if you are a reader, so well bear with me. k? I am off to go running and then its time for $2 margaritas at the bar down the street ;) .....How will I ever survive without Jenn in the rainy city?

letting it go

Some days, it seems like my life is such a challenge. Everyday is a struggle to figure out how to be happy and how to stay happy. I will wake up happy and so "Brie" like however by the end of the day I find some reason to crash and burn. The saying goes, "time heals all wounds" however I have to disagree. Every day, every year its like the absence of not having parents weighs on me heavier and heavier. It's not something that is easily describable really. Think of your parents, what do you see? Maybe you see how hard they are on you, or how crazy they are, the things they should have done or how you wish they could have been. But underneath it all my guess would be you would see a connection, the two people that created you and have helped make you exactly who are. It's a connection that no one else can ever have with you, because well they are you. That is something that I will always be missing. I can look at pictures, read diaries, and hear story after story (which don't take me wrong I cherish) however I will never be able to create my own real opinion of them. My opinion is just a distorted view of what ive been told and the little bits I remember. Not once when I am sad maybe about a guy will I be able to ask my mother how she dealt with heartaches, never will I be able to just crawl in my dad's lap just for him to tell me how amazing I am. When I'm confused about life the two people who I would have the strongest underlying connection with will never be able to comfort me with their words or love. Don't take me wrong, I'm not throwing a pity party by any means nor am I asking for words of comfort. I simply feel like I have held all this in and have never found anyone that I could fully trust enough to understand my pain. So, to induce progress I have decided to write it all down and send it into the online abyss.  Always remember that no one's pain is less than or worse than your own. <3

P.S. I put on my mother's wedding band, it fits perfect ;) funny how the little things mean so much.