A fine frenzy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_CwkdXfAhg

I love this song. I could listen to it over and over, in fact I often do. I find that I do that with songs, I find one that speaks to me and I become obsessed with it. Same going for most things. I remember my freshman year I decided I liked belts........I bought like 20. I still am trying to recover from that horror, my poor closet. I'm not sure what my closet would look like without the helpful guiding of Jennifer. I shudder to think of it. She is going to have to stock me up full of things before I leave for Seattle. 5 more months.....I can handle that right? 5 more months until I can be around some weirdos, rainy weather, and culture. Yah i'll survive, I am almost positive.

Seattle

So, 5 more months until I have the (hopefully) opportunity to move out of this ridiculous state and move to seattle. I've been promised that if my team at work were to expand Seattle is 100% going to be a new territory. I've also been told that even if we don't expand then they might still open just Seattle up. So things are looking pretty good for me. You know, I have no idea really why I am so obsessed with the idea of Seattle. I just have this amazing feeling about it really, intuition you could call it. My intuition is always creepily right no matter what the situation so I feel that Seattle will bring great things for me. I can't wait for the random rainstorms, the amazing music scene, mountains, the beach, and the constant festivals or random free things to do. Not to mention it is one of the top 5 "single cities", not a bad rating huh? I am trying so hard to keep my feet in the present, frankly I've never been very good at that. If I wasn't dreaming of being 16 then I was dreaming of college, then of course I dreamt of having a career and money. Now I suppose I can't wait to move somewhere new and exciting. I never can keep my feet still!! I need that constant change! You will probably hear of Seattle on here a lot if you are a reader, so well bear with me. k? I am off to go running and then its time for $2 margaritas at the bar down the street ;) .....How will I ever survive without Jenn in the rainy city?

letting it go

Some days, it seems like my life is such a challenge. Everyday is a struggle to figure out how to be happy and how to stay happy. I will wake up happy and so "Brie" like however by the end of the day I find some reason to crash and burn. The saying goes, "time heals all wounds" however I have to disagree. Every day, every year its like the absence of not having parents weighs on me heavier and heavier. It's not something that is easily describable really. Think of your parents, what do you see? Maybe you see how hard they are on you, or how crazy they are, the things they should have done or how you wish they could have been. But underneath it all my guess would be you would see a connection, the two people that created you and have helped make you exactly who are. It's a connection that no one else can ever have with you, because well they are you. That is something that I will always be missing. I can look at pictures, read diaries, and hear story after story (which don't take me wrong I cherish) however I will never be able to create my own real opinion of them. My opinion is just a distorted view of what ive been told and the little bits I remember. Not once when I am sad maybe about a guy will I be able to ask my mother how she dealt with heartaches, never will I be able to just crawl in my dad's lap just for him to tell me how amazing I am. When I'm confused about life the two people who I would have the strongest underlying connection with will never be able to comfort me with their words or love. Don't take me wrong, I'm not throwing a pity party by any means nor am I asking for words of comfort. I simply feel like I have held all this in and have never found anyone that I could fully trust enough to understand my pain. So, to induce progress I have decided to write it all down and send it into the online abyss.  Always remember that no one's pain is less than or worse than your own. <3

P.S. I put on my mother's wedding band, it fits perfect ;) funny how the little things mean so much.